A Monologue?

I had this idea awhile back for a short story about a shadow who loved their person. So I wrote it down, and left it for a few months. Last week I discovered it again, and thought, hey, since I like film now I'll write a monologue and do an accompanying video. This is the part I have written down, and I'm still trying to assemble all my blurry shots of treetops and moving water into a cohesive three minutes of film. This is the song that's going to go with it- I think it sort of sets the mood.

*To clarify* This is from the point of view of a shadow, reflecting and then coming back to the present where she is in the coffin with her dead person. (It's strangely creepy and romantic for me). Hopefully it'll be clearer with the video. Anyways, this is my first time writing a monologue or even anything remotely script-ish, so I have a long way to go!

We were going to be together, 

always.

From the time the sun rose in the East to when it set in the West, I would be with you, 

every day, 

every hour, 

every step. 

When night came and you sat in the soft light of the moon, I hid beneath your eyelashes, in the well under your bottom lip, I tucked myself into all the folds of your clothes. I wanted so badly to touch you, to hold you, to stretch myself until I covered every inch of you. But we lived our lives on different planes, and each day the sun tore me from you.

So I followed, and watched you smile with others, laugh with others. I laughed, too, 

but you couldn’t hear me.

As you grew, I grew. Still, the distance between us remained the same. I almost couldn’t bear it when you met her. Her with the soft hands that could touch your cheek, the head she could lay on your chest. Her with the eyes that shone when the light was just so, her with the hair that turned copper in the dying sun. I cried at first. 

You couldn’t hear me.

But, 

sometimes you would turn back. 

Look at me,

the way I looked at you.

I was the proof that you existed,

and you were my reason. 

Wasn’t that enough? 

I told myself you loved me, like I loved you. Was that true?

It’s dark down here. I can’t see you anymore. But I’m still with you. Closer…..than I’ve ever been. I can feel you now, and you’re cold. 

You always looked so warm.

I want to stay with you.

 I want to see you again. 

But I’m lost now. It’s so dark, and I’m trying to hold on. I don’t know who I’m supposed to be anymore. 

Can you hear me? 

  I’m whispering to you.

Final Thoughts on "Firefly"

My thoughts after the first two episodes.

At first, I thought Firefly was going to be some crappy, live action knock-off of Cowboy Bebop; the premise was similar, and I suspected the worst. But I think after a few episodes the show really hit its stride, and I realized this was a show that could stand on its own.

The conundrum about this show is that it's at once amazing and borderline bad. There's a certain art derived from slightly awkward script, predictable plots, and cheesy drama, and Firefly takes full advantage of that. It's a little campy, but it sucks you in. By the end I was entirely invested in all the characters. (Except Malcolm) I just don't like Malcolm's character; and I say his character because it's not just him. This guy, this rough, noble, semi-emotionally stunted guy, is such a stereotype, and I hate him each time he shows up. I mean, there's nothing really special about Malcolm, he's not particularly smart or a very good leader or funny or clever. He's not even necessarily an amazing fighter. He's completely based on honor and strength of will, and I just think that's so cliche. In my opinion, Zoe should have been captain, and I stand by that. *Spoilers* I was so *ugh* about Malcolm's whole romantic drama with Inara- I knew it was going to happen since the first episode, and it's just- why does the main character always have to have a romance with the prettiest woman in the show? Why couldn't they just have been platonic friends? It annoys me that Inara had to be used as a plot device instead of as an individual person. Although I was surprised, in the end, that she left- I thought she would turn back, I didn't think she would actually just walk out. So that says something about her independence, which I respect. *Spoilers over*

It's such a shame Firefly was cancelled; I felt that it had really started to become something special towards the end of the season. We didn't really get to learn about the characters' backstories that were hinted at  (ex: Inara, Shepherd Book, River) and we didn't find out really about the government scheme with River. I guess I'll have to go watch Serenity. However, in my opinion, what allows Firefly to be such a cult show is that it was cancelled before its time. Because there are so many loose ends, you can make it whatever you want it to be; anything can happen in your imagination, the characters' backstories can be whatever you want them to be. What if the show had gone on, and the audience didn't like where it was going, didn't like how the characters changed? Now we never have to worry about that. It's bittersweet, I guess.

In conclusion, I think I jumped the gun on the criticism for this show. I ended up really enjoying it, and I think that there are a lot of stereotypes and preconceived notions it brings to light and/or completely shatters without a care. It's pretty awesome. 

9/10 on the enjoyment scale :)

June 1st Freewrite *While Listening to The Moon Song*

We're here, a million miles away.

Sitting here softly,
soft yellow lamplight,
soft blue of a dying day.
Soft music in my ears,
soft voice,
soft chords.

There's things I wish I knew.

Peace is such a strange and transient feeling.
When it comes, it wraps its arms around you,
it breathes quiet whispers of quiet words,
and suddenly you feel the unbearable weight of the now in your heart,
all the beauty that will never again collide in this order.
You see the moment as a memory already.
The gold and fading indigo of a nighttime room,
the suggestion of a chill on your skin.
Maybe you'll forget the song, the name of the song,
the notes and the words.
But you won't forget how it feels,
right here, right now.

Thoughts After Watching the First Two Episodes of Firefly

So when I asked if I should watch Firefly a couple weeks back, I got in response a resounding "yes". To be honest, I didn't really have an idea what the show was about: simply that it had a cult following and many of its fans overlapped with Bryan Fuller fans. Thus, finding myself with some free hours today, I thought I would try the first couple episodes. I definitely see myself finishing this series, so I want to record my thoughts at the beginning compared to when I finish it.

First off, I really hope Malcolm dies. Which I doubt will happen, but I have my fingers crossed. I hate his face. I know that's not really a reviewer-ly thing to say but my god his face annoys me I mean if I'm going to have to stare at someone's face for eleven episodes I want them to be somewhat attractive. *deep breath* Aside from his face, I guess I'm just sort of sick of the whole "flawed male lead who's emotionally closed off and has anger issues and really isn't the best decision maker but seems to be in charge of all the decisions". Like, WHY IS ZOE NOT THE CAPTAIN. Kudos to the show for having the second biggest character being a black woman, and a strong and smart one at that, but WHY IS SHE NOT THE CAPTAIN. Her being the captain would make for a five thousand times better show. Maybe this is the hours I've spent on Tumblr talking, but it annoys me that the white male character automatically gets the powerful position when there's a more qualified leader right next to him. Why, writers, why. And besides, it's so predictable that there's going to be someone or some situation that makes him show his soft side and he'll progress emotionally. It's been done a thousand times with a thousand different male characters. And he's dumb I mean GODDDD. It makes me angry.

While we're talking about characters, I really do appreciate Zoe (Hi Mrs. Crawford!). I think she's awesome and her relationship with the pilot is so sweet and perfect and it's not set up for tons of romantic drama which is just downright refreshing. Kailee is awesome, and Jane is perfection. The doctor's face also makes me angry. It's like, it should be attractive but there's something an eensy bit off, ya know? Also CAN SOMEONE PLEASE FIND THIS MAN A WELL FITTED VEST. I love sibling relationships on shows. They're semi-rare, which might be due to the fact that it's easier to create drama with romantic relationships, but they're great because it's such a pure form of love and can be manipulated so easily to bring the tears. IDK sibling relationships are my fave. Now I'm not quite sure why, but I really wish Inara was a guy. Like still a companion, but a guy. I DON'T KNOW WHY. I definitely love that the show made a prostitute an actual character with depth and development instead of just using her as a plot device or romantic interest (although I have an inkling that she'll be used as a romantic interest). ANOTHER THING. Love triangles are already in the works and that makes me sort of angry because I really don't have the patience for romantic drama in shows; I feel like the time and effort could be put to better means. Like, Kailee and Malcolm, Inara and Malcolm, Kailee and Simon, etc. Can we just cut it with the sexual tension. I'm interested to see what happens with character development: I don't think this show is the best at showing character development through the small things: I think it's going to have moments set up where we get the character development we need.

OKAY I'M SORRY I'M BEING SO NEGATIVE I TRULY DID ENJOY THESE FIRST TWO EPISODES. 

The idea of a Western-style show set in space is really interesting I WONDER WHERE THEY GOT THAT FROM. DEFINITELY COULDN'T BE COWBOY BEBOP. WHICH CAME OUT FOUR YEARS PRIOR. To be honest though, I don't know whether they were inspired by Cowboy Bebop or if it was just a coincidence that the two shows have similarities. But it sort of sucks for me that I've seen Cowboy Bebop and loved it because now the whole time I'm watching the show I'm just wishing I'm watching Cowboy Bebop. I mean, it's just such a good show and nothing can compare. First off, the whole jazz soundtrack is awesome instead of just having the same little Western riff that plays every five minutes (Lookin' at you, Firefly.) The characters on the ship are much more interesting individually: Spike being the smart-ass daredevil with the karate moves is so much more satisfying than Malcolm the wannabe smart-ass stupid daredevil (as opposed to Spike who has his whole philosophy about not caring about his life) with the pretty generic fight moves. I do love Kailee, but Ed totally beats her out as far as being the quirky techy sidekick. And as far as sexy female roles, BLESS FAYE. I appreciate her so much. I mean, like I said before it's great that Firefly shows Inara as a real person rather than just a sex object, but they do show her as a sex object. Faye is the typically over-sexy female but they don't have to make her role in the show or job to be about that. There's really no sexual tension between her and anyone else the whole show, if anything it's emotional tension, plus she can fight and hold her own. The fight scenes in Bebop are five times as awesome because #1 it's Spike and #2 they're set in time to music. Plus the spaceships are way cooler. ALSO WHERE IS THE CORGI, FIREFLY? ANSWER ME THAT.

I'm really sad now that I'm comparing Firefly to Bebop but the shows are so similar that they invite comparison. Firefly is a good show, definitely, and it sucks you in. Part of it's charm is that it's so campy and not really the best show in the world, but it has a lot of soul: it doesn't feel like it's trying to appeal to audiences. I mean, I think Bebop has a lot more depth of emotion and thought presented in its episodes: returning medicine to sick people is really the best moral dilemma you could come up with, Firefly? Really? OH MY GOD I NEED TO STOP COMPARING. I really appreciate what Firefly is doing as a show and I'm interested to see where it goes. Plus it has like all my favorite actors in the world, so that's a plus.

This has been the most unprofessional review I've ever written I'm so sorry.

Anyways, if you've seen the show I'd really like to know what you think of it! Talk to me in the comments!